Lina Akif: Moč erotike / Power of the Erotic

*For english see below.

»Soba je bila velika. Polna ljudi. Vseh vrst. In vsi so prišli v isto stavbo. Ob bolj ali manj istem času. Vsi so bili svobodni. In vsi so se spraševali isto: Kaj je za tisto zaveso?«
Laurie Anderson

Avgusta 2022 sem začela umetniško rezidenco v New Yorku. Hotela sem si ogledati čim več vznemirljivih off-off-broadwayskih predstav, katerih pomemben element bi bil različnost – ras, teles, spolne usmerjenosti in družbenega spola, kar vse so teme, ki sem jih raziskovala za svoje projekte v Sloveniji. Tik pred tem smo končali prvi sklop vaj za Spolno vzgojo II, in ko sem razmišljala o lastni spolnosti, so na površje priplavali moji boji s sprejemanjem telesa, spolno sramotenje in »nenormativno« spolno vedenje. Učili so me, da so vse »nenormativne« spolne prakse, na primer BDSM, svinganje, raziskovanje fetišev, striptiz, vse oblike spolnega dela itd., deviantne in »nefeministične«. Da služijo le moškemu pogledu in moškemu užitku. Seveda se vse naštete prakse druga od druge razlikujejo in so vsaka po svoje zapletene in specifične (prav tako ni mogoče zanikati, da se znotraj njih dogaja veliko zlorab), skupen pa jim je element sramotenja – javnega in lastnega. V okviru teh »alternativnih« konsenzualnih spolnih praks smo hotele raziskovati žensko spolno in telesno emancipacijo. Spraševale smo se, kje sta ženski pogled in ženski užitek.

Soba sama po sebi ni bila velika, šlo je za manjši očarljiv oder v Here Arts Centru na Manhattnu, ura je bila dve popoldne. Ko sem raziskovala to gledališče, sem prebrala, da bo na sporedu Yes Please (Ja, prosim), »celovečerna predstava o užitku in spolnem delu, v izvedbi sedanjih in nekdanjih spolnih delavk« v režiji Peekaboo Pointe. Ko sem vstopila v dvorano, nas je pozdravilo nekaj performerk, ki so nam ponudile, da nam večje bankovce zamenjajo v enodolarske. Pojasnile so nam, naj med predstavo ne bomo zadržani in naj sodelujemo z napitninami in navijanjem, kar je običajna etiketa newyorškega nočnega življenja.

Ko smo se posedli, so luči ugasnile in zaslišali smo začetek pesmi Laurie Anderson Born, Never Asked. Beat se je stišal, Laurie je zapela: »Rodila si se in zdaj si svobodna« in performerke različnih identitet, ras in postav so začele plesati. Bilo je neverjetno. Vse so bile samozavestne, dobro so se počutile v svoji koži in so sproščeno izražale svojo seksualnost. Bile so izvrstno izurjene performerke, ki so kot v počasnem posnetku delale špage, tverkale in na visokih, tankih petkah izvajale zahtevne plesne gibe, medtem ko se je glasba prelila v Mozarta. Na zvočnih posnetkih so se spolne delavke spraševale o tem, kaj vse je lahko umetnost. Razmišljale so o tem, kako spolno delo lahko predstavlja grožnjo normalnim delovnim strukturam, kako jim delo prinaša veliko čustvenega in duševnega zadovoljstva in kako bi se nekdaj najraje kam skrile, zdaj pa so do sebe iskrene. Biti striptizeta pomeni biti ustvarjalna in biti zmožna improvizirati sedem ur v kosu. Svoje delo imajo rade in si ga želijo opravljati, kolikor dolgo bo le mogoče – za zmeraj. Vsaka od njih je imela solo točko, in te so se razpenjale od monologa, burlesknega plesa, poigravanja z glasom/petja, sodobnega plesa do videoarta. Prešinilo me je, kako druga drugo podpirajo – bile so sestrstvo. Občinstvo je bilo (vsaj tako se je zdelo meni) v glavnem kvirovsko in žensko, vsi smo bili ekstatični in opolnomočeni. Denar je letel naokoli in nazadnje smo vsi skupaj zaplesali na odru.

Po predstavi sem se srečala z režiserko in performerko Peekaboo Pointe. Povabila me je, naj pridem gledat njeno burlesko v Slipper Room. Tja sem prišla pozno zvečer in videla številne burleskne performerje – performerja z oblinami, performerja s pritlikavostjo, performerko v dregu, zelo čutne performerke, akrobatke in akrobate itd. Videla sem lepa (skoraj) gola telesa vseh oblik in velikosti. Presenečena sem bila, da so bile najglasnejše osebe v občinstvu tiste, ki so se identificirale kot ženske. Dajale so tudi najvišje napitnine. Vsakič ko je Peekaboo na odru izvedla točko, je šlo za nekaj drugega. Vse od tipične burleske s čutnim slačenjem do tverkanja in špag na rampi pa do vabljenja obiskovalcev, naj ji dajo napitnino, tako da za njen nedrček ali tangice zataknejo bankovce. Ženske so se zgrinjale k odru, da bi sodelovale v njenem nastopu. Moja najljubša točka večera je bila njena izvedba pesmi O Superman Laurie Anderson. Bil je bolj performans kot burleska. Peekaboo se ni slekla ali izvedla kakega posebnega plesa, samo tam je bila in nas razveseljevala s svojo navzočnostjo.

V naslednjih dneh sva se s Peekaboo srečali v Brooklynu, da bi naredili intervju. Bila je neverjetno prijazna in polna energije.

Peekaboo Pointe: »V klubu sem začela delati pri tridesetih. Bila sem v strašnem in nasilnem zakonu in klub je bil moje pribežališče, moja svoboda. Zdelo se mi je, da sem se lahko med delom počutila kot jaz, nihče me ni obsojal. In lahko sem preučevala druge ljudi, pogovore, lahko sem poslušala druge in se pogovarjala z njimi, takšne intimne trenutke sem lahko delila s tujci, in to je bilo zelo osvobajajoče in močno. V tem bizarnem svetu sem našla sestre in ljubezen in vse te lepe ljudi. Zaradi tega sem zbrala pogum, da sem zapustila moža in se razkrila kot kvir. Razkrila sem se kot svobodno in mogočno spolno bitje. To se mi ni zgodilo samodejno. Sem iz družine, ki sicer ni bila konservativna, bila pa je nekoliko zapeta. Moja mama je bila tako obvladana in organizirana, da je pravzaprav nikoli nisem videla uživati življenja. In mislim, da je to skupno veliko ženskam iz mamine generacije. Učili so jo, da ima družino, da ima službo, da mora opraviti vse te reči in da ne gre zanjo. Zato sem se naučila, da sem se vsemu odrekala, pozneje pa sem ugotovila, da to ni zame. Mislim, da veliko mojega dela, moje raziskovanje užitka nasploh in užitka kot feminističnega koncepta izhaja iz opazovanja moje mame in babice, ki nista vsak dan uživali. Zdelo se mi je, da bom srečnejša, če bom v življenju našla majhne radosti, malenkosti, ki me razveseljujejo – od seksualnega užitka pa do tega, da skuham dobro kosilo. Mislim, da se ženske, ki občutijo užitek, nazadnje laže postavijo zase, da se drugače vključijo v skupnost in se povežejo med sabo.«

Moški nas vse življenje svarijo pred tem [pred erotiko], vendar to globino občutenja dovolj cenijo, da imajo vseskozi okoli sebe ženske, ki jo lahko prakticirajo zanje, hkrati pa se prav te globine preveč bojijo, da bi jo raziskali v sebi. […] Seveda, [erotično] opolnomočene ženske so nevarne. Zato nas učijo, da moramo erotične zahteve ločiti od vseh bistvenih področij svojih življenj razen seksa. In pomanjkanje skrbi za erotične vire našega dela in zadovoljstva pri njem je občutiti v tem, da smo nezadovoljne s toliko tega, kar počnemo.
Audre Lorde

Peekaboo Pointe: »Preobrat je zame nastopil, ko sem leta 2015 začela delati s koreografinjo Gesel Mason. Sedeli sva na vajah in analizirali knjigo The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power (Uporabe erotičnega: Erotika kot moč). Na dolgo sva razpravljali o tej temi in takrat sem o njej prvič začela razmišljati na akademski ravni. O tem sem premišljala v okviru lastnega življenja in umetnosti – kako se to vklaplja v moje ustvarjalne prakse. Nazadnje sem se odločila za podiplomski študij in sem postala magistrica lepih umetnosti, ker sem hotela razumeti, kako naj uskladim vse te ideje, pa svoje delo v striptiz klubih, pri burleski, v umetnosti in klasičnem plesu. Tako da je projekt Ja, prosim čisto nov in občutek imam, da je še zelo v nastajanju. Sanjam o tem, da bi potovala naokrog, imela v jedrni skupini dve ali tri performerke, druge pa bi nabirala sproti, v vsakem mestu, kamor bi prišla, tako da bi se celotna zasedba nenehno spreminjala. Mislim namreč, da je v različnih krajih pomembno imeti različne pogovore, odpirati različne poglede in teme, ki jih sama nisem. O tem se moramo začeti pogovarjati na širši ravni. Rada bi samo čutila, da navdihujem ljudi za to, da bi se dobro počutili. Zdi se mi, da nas, spolnih delavk, nikoli ne vprašajo o užitku. Vedno gre za travmo, o tem pa smo se pogovarjali že tisočkrat. Pa je pri spolnem delu še veliko drugih plati, o katerih nikdar ničesar ne rečemo. Ne zanikam, da se to drugo dogaja, ampak v zraku visi še drug pogovor, ki ga kar ni in ni, jaz pa bi ga rada načela. Prav tako kot razpravo o tem, ali burleska sodi na področje spolnega dela. Zapleteno je, kajti burleska je lahko performativni hobi, lahko pa je delo. Nekateri se ukvarjajo z njo, ker je osvobajajoča in radi dvakrat na leto nastopijo in se potem odlično počutijo, kar je povsem v redu, in tudi oni so del skupnosti. Ampak so pa tudi ljudje kot jaz, ki oddelajo po tri nastope na večer in morajo plačevati najemnino in se zato grebejo, da bi čim več nastopali, da bi lahko to najemnino plačali. Navzoč je še ta vidik, da za delo uporabljaš svoje telo – še zmeraj se slačimo, še zmeraj počnemo vse te druge reči in naše delo je pač videti drugače. Mislim, da toliko ljudi uživa v burleski, ker se jim zdi, da bi to lahko počeli tudi oni, in ker se zdi otipljiva. Če na odru gledaš ljudi, ki v svoji seksualnosti uživajo, je to nalezljivo. In tudi če sam ne stopiš na oder in se tega ne lotiš, ti že izkušnja gledanja morda dá občutek svobode, da jo na drugačen način raziščeš še doma ali pa začneš drugače razmišljati o svojem telesu. Ena od performerk v Ja, prosim je v pripravljalnih intervjujih veliko govorila o tem, kako se je vedno borila s sprejemanjem svojega telesa. Delala je v industriji fitnesa in to, da se je slekla v javnosti, ji je pomagalo uvideti, da je lepa, in sprejeti svoje telo tako, kot ga ni še nikoli dotlej. Ta izkušnja je res lahko preobražajoča in močna. Mislim, da je pomembno videti različne tipe teles. Če bi med odraščanjem imeli priložnost videti različna telesa, ki uživajo v sebi, bi bilo to čudovito in bi nam pomagalo, da bi sprejeli tudi svoje lastno. Učili pa so nas, da obstaja samo en pravilen način, kako imeti telo, in to je preprosto tako zelo narobe.«

Nazadnje sem v New Yorku obiskala veliko različnih burlesknih šovov. Večinoma sem hodila na kvirovska zbirališča, kjer me je sprejelo občinstvo, ki je bilo zelo raznoliko in je glasno navijalo za performerje in performerke. Priznam, da bi bila kje drugje moja izkušnja in izkušnja nastopajočih drugačna. Nenehno sem razmišljala o tem, ali objektiviziram nastopajoče, ali krepim stereotipe, ki so jih vzpostavili moški, saj sem zares uživala, nastopajoče spodbujala in jih veselo nagrajevala z napitninami. Ko sem jih gledala, sem lahko bolje sprejela lastno telo in seksualnost. Zaradi njih sem se počutila opolnomočeno. Čeprav so se vedle zelo seksualno, se mi je zdelo, da to ni bilo v užitek le nam, ampak tudi njim. In zelo osvobajajoče je bilo gledati obilna telesa, črna telesa, potetovirana telesa, telesa, polna strij, transtelesa itd., kako so počela vse te nadvse erotične reči. Ni bilo pornografsko, bilo je erotično, čutno.

Erotiko so moški pogosto narobe poimenovali in uporabili proti ženskam. Spremenili so jo v zmedeno, trivialno, psihotično, plastificirano občutje. Zato smo se pogosto odvrnile od raziskovanja in upoštevanja erotike kot vira moči in informacij, saj smo jo pomešale z njenim nasprotjem, pornografijo. Toda pornografija je neposredno zanikanje moči erotike, saj predstavlja potlačitev pravih čustev. Pornografija poudarja čutenje brez čustev.
Audre Lorde

Ko sem se vrnila iz New Yorka, smo nadaljevali vaje za Spolno vzgojo II. Veliko sem razmišljala o tem, kako si ženske odrekamo užitek. Kako se moramo, če uživamo v kinku in nenormativnem, če imamo rade goloto in bi rade javno slavile sebe in svoja telesa, soočati z nadzorom in sramom. Peekaboo Pointe je bila vse do zadnjega pomemben del predavanja-performansa; name je naredila res močan vtis. Toda zadnji fazi vaj za uprizoritev smo morale zožiti fokus, tako da je Peekaboo z nami ostala bolj v duhu kot s svojimi besedami. Ženske res navdihujejo druge ženske – tako ona kakor vse tiste, ki sodelujejo pri tem projektu, pa tudi vse avtorice, ki sem jih brala, so me naučile, da se mi ni treba sramovati svojega rjavega, zaobljenega telesa, polnega strij, in svoje kvirovske seksualnosti. Seveda so dnevi, ko se čutim bolj opolnomočeno, in dnevi, ko bi se najraje skrila pred svetom – gre pač za proces.

Z ženskami sem se veliko pogovarjala o kinku, fetiših, spolnem delu, ki vključuje spolni odnos, striptizu, burleski, o seksualno eksplicitni uporabi naših teles itd. In znova priznavam, da vse te teme niso eno in isto in da so neverjetno zapletene, pa tudi, da jih je zelo lahko zlorabiti. Ampak če hočejo ženske za svoj lastni užitek kaj početi z lastnimi telesi, ker jih to opolnomoča, bi morale do tega imeti pravico. Jaz bom z njimi in jih bom spodbujala. In sebe tudi.

Ko govorim o erotiki, o njej govorim kot o potrditvi ženske življenjske sile; o opolnomočeni ustvarjalni energiji, znanju in rabi, ki si jih zdaj v svojem jeziku, v svojem plesu, svojem ljubljenju, svojem delu, svojih življenjih jemljemo nazaj. […] Erotika je vzgojiteljica in pestunja vsega našega najglobljega znanja.
Audre Lorde

Prevedla: Tina Malič

ENG:

“It was a large room. Full of people. All kinds. And they had all arrived at the same building. At more or less the same time. And they were all free. And they were all asking themselves the same question: What is behind that curtain?”
Laurie Anderson

In August 2022 I began my artistic residency in New York. I wanted to see as many as possible exciting off-off Broadway productions that featured diversity in terms of race, body, sexuality and gender – all of them topics that I was researching for my projects in Slovenia. We had just finished the first part of rehearsals for Sex Education II and when I was thinking about my own sexuality my struggles with body image, slut shaming, and “non-normative” sexual behaviour came up. I have been taught that all “non-normative’’ sexual practices, for instance BDSM, swinging, exploring fetishes, stripping, all types of sex work etc., are considered deviant and “not feminist”. That they are only there to serve the male gaze and male desire. Of course, all the above listed practices differ from one another and are complex and specific in their own context (and undeniably there is a lot of abuse within them), but what they do share is the element of shame – public shaming and self-shaming. We wanted to explore female sexual and body emancipation within this “alternative” consensual sexual practices. We asked ourselves where are the female gaze and the female pleasure.

It was not a large room per se, but rather a small charming stage at Here Arts Center at 2 p.m. in Manhattan. When researching this theatre, I read that Yes Please, “an evening-length performance piece about the pleasure and sex work, told by a cast of current and former sex workers” directed by Peekaboo Pointe, will show. Upon entering the venue, we were greeted by some of the performers, who offered to exchange large bills for one-dollar notes. We were instructed to not shy away from participating with tips and cheers – a common New York nightlife etiquette. 

After we sat down, the lights went out and we heard the beginning of Laurie Andersons’ song Born, Never Asked. The beat dropped, Laurie sang the words “You were born, and now you are free” and 5 female performers of different identities, races, and body types started to dance … and it was incredible. All of them were confident, comfortable with their bodies and with their sexuality. They were highly skilled performers, doing slow-motion splits, twerks and difficult dance moves in tall stilettos, while the music changed to Mozart. In voiceovers, the sex workers asked questions about what can be high art. They reflected on how sex work poses a threat to normal job structures, how the work brings them a lot of emotional and mental happiness, and how they used to want to hide, but now they are honest with themselves. Being a stripper means being creative and able to improvise for 7 hours straight. They love their job and want to do it as long as possible – forever. Each of them had their solo, ranging from a monologue, burlesque dance, voice/singing, contemporary dance to video art. I was struck by how the performers were there for each other – they were a sisterhood. The audience was mostly (at least that’s how it seemed to me) queer and female and we were all ecstatic and empowered. Money was being thrown and, in the end, all of us ended up dancing on the stage. 

After the performance, I met with the director and performer Peekabo Pointe. She invited me to see her perform burlesque at the Slipper Room. I arrived there late at night and saw many burlesque performers – a male performer with a curvy body, a performer of little stature, a drag performer, very sensual female performers, acrobats etc. I saw beautiful (almost) naked bodies of all shapes and sizes. I was surprised that the loudest audience members were female-identifying. They were also the biggest tippers. Each time Peekaboo Pointe did a performance on stage, it was something different. Everything from typical burlesque with sensual stripping, to twerking and doing splits on the forestage and inviting audience members to tip her, sticking bills behind her bra or thong. Women were rushing to the stage to participate in her performance. My favourite of the night was her performance of Laurie Anderson’s O Superman. It was more a performance art than just a burlesque. Peekaboo didn’t strip or do any specific dance, she was just there, gracing us with her presence. 

In the following days, Peekaboo and I met for an interview in Brooklyn. She was incredibly kind and energetic.

Peekaboo Pointe: »I started working at a club when I was 30. I was in a horrible abusive marriage and the club was my escape, it was my freedom. It felt like every time I went to work I could feel like myself, no one judged me. And I could explore other people, I could explore conversations, I could listen and talk to other people, I could share these intimate moments with strangers and that was so freeing and powerful. I found sisters and love and all these beautiful people within this really bizarro world. Because of that, I found the courage to leave my husband and come out as queer. I came out as a free and powerful sexual being. It was something that didn’t come naturally to me. I come from a family that was not conservative, but a little bit tightly wrapped. My mom was so regimented, that I never really saw her enjoying her life. And I think that’s a common thing for a lot of women of my mom’s generation. She was taught that she had a family, she had a job, she had all these things to do, and it wasn’t about her. So I learned to deny myself everything and I realized later in life that that was not working for me. I think a lot of my work, my exploration of pleasure in general and pleasure as a feminist concept comes from watching my mom and my grandma not experiencing pleasure on a daily basis. I feel that if I can find the little things in life that are joyful, that bring me joy – from sexual pleasure to just cooking a great meal, then I’m going to be happier. I think if women are experiencing pleasure, then they are more likely to end up standing up for themselves, engaging in their community differently and engaging with each other.«

We have been warned against it [the erotic] all our lives by the male world, which values this depth of feeling enough to keep women around in order to exercise it in the service of men, but which fears this same depth too much to examine the possibilities of it within themselves. […] Of course, women so empowered are dangerous. So we are taught to separate the erotic demand from most vital areas of our lives other than sex. And the lack of concern for the erotic root and satisfaction of our work is felt in our disaffection from so much of what we do.
Audre Lorde

Peekaboo Pointe: »A pivotal moment for me was when I started working with a choreographer named Gesel Mason in 2015. We sat in rehearsals and we analyzed Audre Lords’ The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power. We had these long discussions and it was the first time that I really thought about it at an academic level. I started thinking about it in my own life and my own art and how it fits into my art-making practice. I ended up going to graduate school and getting my MFA, because I wanted to be able to understand how to take these ideas, and my background in strip clubs, burlesque, art and classical dance, and put them all together. So Yes Please is brand new and I feel it’s very much a work in progress. My dream would be to travel around, have two or three performers that are part of the core, and then pick up other people along the way in each city, to have a rotating cast. Because I think there are different conversations in different cities that are important to have, and different views and topics to bring up, that I didn’t. We need to start having these conversations on a bigger level. I just want to feel like I’m inspiring people to feel good. I feel like sex workers – we never get asked about pleasure. It’s always trauma-based and we’ve had that conversation a thousand times. There are so many other aspects of sex work that never get talked about. And I’m not denying that that other part happens, but there’s also a huge conversation that just isn’t happening, so I’d like to have that conversation. There’s also a debate on whether burlesque falls into the area of work or sex work. It’s complicated because burlesque can be a performative hobby, but it can also be work. People can do it because it’s liberating and they like to perform twice a year and they feel great and that’s totally valid and they are part of the community. But then there are also people like me, who are working three gigs a night and paying rent and hustling to perform as much as possible to pay rent. And there is still the aspect of using your body for work – we still are stripping, we still are doing all these other things and our work just looks different. I think so many people enjoy burlesque because they feel like there’s this idea that they could do it and it feels tangible. Watching people on stage enjoying themselves and their sexuality is contagious. Even if they don’t get on stage and do it, maybe it gives them the freedom to explore it at home in a different way or to think of their bodies in a different way. One of the cast members of Yes Please talked a lot, in our pre-interviews, about how she always struggled with body image. She was in the fitness industry and being naked in public helped her see that she is beautiful, and she accepted her body in a way that she never had before. So it can be really transformative and powerful for people. I think it’s so important to see different types of bodies. If we had been given the opportunity to see different types of bodies growing up and seeing bodies enjoying themselves, that would have been so wonderful and it would help us to accept our own. We were taught that there’s only one right way to have a body, and that’s just so wrong.«

I ended up going to a lot of different burlesque shows in New York. I mostly went to queer places and was greeted by audience members who were very diverse and cheered for the performers. I recognize that in other venues my experience and the experience of the performers would be different. I was constantly thinking about whether I was objectifying the performers, if I was reinforcing stereotypes set by men, because I was truly enjoying it, I cheered them on and happily tipped them. But watching them made me accept my body and my sexuality better. I felt empowered by them. Although they were being very sexual, it seemed to me that it was not only for our pleasure but for theirs as well. And it was very liberating watching big bodies, black bodies, tattooed bodies, bodies full of stretchmarks, trans bodies, etc., do these very erotic things. It was not pornographic, but erotic, sensual. 

The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.
Audre Lorde

When I returned from New York, we started rehearsing for Sex Education II again. I contemplated a lot on how we women deny ourselves pleasure. How we are faced with scrutiny and shame if we enjoy the kinky and “non-normative’’ things, if we enjoy nudity and want to publicly celebrate ourselves and our bodies. Up until the last moment, Peekaboo Pointe was a big part of the lecture-performance, she truly made an impact on me. But in the final stages of wrapping up the production, we had to narrow our focus. But, although Peekaboo’s words may have been cut out, she remained with us in spirit. Women truly inspire other women – she and all the women participating in this project, and all the female authors that I read, taught me that I should not be ashamed of my brown, curvy body full of stretch marks and my queer sexuality. Of course there are days when I feel more empowered, and days when I would like to hide in a shell, but it’s a process.

I talked a lot with women about kinks, fetishes, full service sex work, stripping, burlesque, about using our bodies in sexually explicit ways, etc. And I recognize once again that all these topics are not one and the same and that they are incredibly complex and can be easily misused and abused. But if women want to do something for their own pleasure with their own bodies because it empowers them, then they should have all the right to do so. I will be there to cheer them on. And to cheer myself on. 

When I speak of the erotic, then, I speak of it as an assertion of the lifeforce of women; of that creative energy empowered, the knowledge and use of which we are now reclaiming in our language, our history, our dancing, our loving, our work, our lives. […] The erotic is the nurturer or nursemaid of all our deepest knowledge.
Audre Lorde

ELF, not proofread.